


It's you and me

by robronwriter



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Affair 2.0 AU, M/M, affair au, but then they get to have the second affair of our dreams, this is pretty much me yelling at robert through aaron's mouth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-06-02 09:37:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19438777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robronwriter/pseuds/robronwriter
Summary: Sometimes moving on is not as easy as people say. Sometimes you just have to do it. That was Aaron's train of thoughts as he tried to move on with his life. But the past always has a way to sneak up on you and wake your feelings up. This is what Aaron didn't know





	It's you and me

**Author's Note:**

> Look, kiddos, I'm posting this anonymous because I any opinions and bla bla are not associated with this fic. Also because I am a nervous wreck and I think my writing is #100 if there were 100 writers.
> 
> So, sit back, enjoy the ride and wait for the affair 2.0 to start because I'm about to drop the beat (later on). I SWEAR I WILL UPDATE. I'm just a lil troll and I hope I can keep everyone on their toes (and by everyone I mean all 3 people who will probably read the first two paragraphs of this).
> 
> Enjoy! find me at robronwriter.tumblr.com

Aaron is staring at himself in the mirror. It’s the same mirror, in the same pub, whilst wearing the same suit. He isn’t entirely sure why he is even doing this, but he’s going through the motions that his entire family, his friends and the entire village said that he should move on. That this is what Robert would have wanted, he has a son to raise and the kid deserves the best. Seb’s screeching of joy can be heard from downstairs and Aaron’s sure that he’s been causing damage in the cupcakes for the wedding. It doesn’t matter now. He’s not sad, he’s not happy he just exists through this state of “you have to move on love, you have to live your life and raise Seb, and help Liv through university”. He has to get married today. Even though he didn’t want to date, even though he didn’t want to get into a serious relationship, get engaged and get married. He’s wondering if he allowed this thing to move too far away from his control. 

As he steps out from the pub Seb comes crashing into his leg with a power a 6 year old child shouldn’t possess. He’s tall for his age, blonde with wild curls that are a bit messy right now because he doesn’t really let Aaron comb them all the time, and John, Aaron’s future husband, isn’t allowed to touch his hair at any moment as per Seb commands.

“Easy on the cupcakes, thief”, even though it’s too late for that, Aaron knows.

“Daddy, I only had one!” Seb held his index finger up as he giggled and ran away. 

“Sure you did, sweet tooth” Aaron sort of said that into the void, more talking to Robert than to Seb. Robert left a big hole in his life, even though his family is acting like Robert never existed, Aaron still carries a piece of him wherever he goes. He’s the only one who knows the truth about Robert, and every time people act like his existence has been erased from history, it’s difficult to hold back. It happened not even a year into their marriage, but Robert did it to protect them and the people he loves. The idea was Aaron’s himself, but he started saying it more as a joke than an actual suggestion, but the obsessive nature of Robert took over that idea and he couldn’t stop it anymore.

Next thing he knows he’s walking down the altar, Chas on his arm, thinking about having to bury an empty coffin and pretend for years that Robert is no more. He’s felt angry, he’s felt betrayed, he’s felt abandoned and each time he’d look at Seb who was barely starting to walk, he felt anger for that kid. And he felt love, above everything else, he felt love. He felt a neverending river of love for Robert the traitor, that couldn’t be drained not even as he’s smiling walking down the aisle, with a perfectly good man smiling at him prepared to take on his child and start their own little family. 

Aaron’s still smiling but he’s still angry. He remembers standing there some 5 odd years ago crying because he had too much love in his chest, and he was perfectly happy. 

“Don’t be nervous, it’s a bit late to run away and your uncle’s got too many connections, I can’t just disappear on you..” said John as he had a cheeky smile on. 

“Yeah, Cain’s like that.” 

Nothing about this ceremony was special to Aaron. He’s been there once, he’s done it with the love of his life and the only reason he’s wearing the same suit as he did on the 5th of October 2018, was because deep down he was hoping that wherever in the world Robert was he could see photos from his wedding online, and hope that he would understand that this suit meant that he was thinking of him. That’s all he wanted. For this day to be over, to move on from the photos and the smiles and congratulations, from the party, from the dance, from the family, from the world. After they said their I dos, kissed the groom in the applause of everyone who had done this before for him and Robert, he picked Seb up in his arms, their child on his left arm and hip, and right hand in John’s hand.

**4 months later**

Google maps and Waze and all the other navigation apps told Aaron that he arrived at the pick up point for some scrap. Supposed to be a good client this, but all was lying in front of him was a run down building which could only double as an abandoned warehouse. He didn’t drive all the way down to this address just to double back without anything, but caution is key and he decided to just drive around the building. Before that, he realized that he needed to send Seb to swimming practice but he’s sure that he’s not gonna make it so he texts John to do it himself. John’s working on his investigation for The Guardian and he hates being interrupted from his “creative process”. 

Aaron would normally be annoyed, but he doesn’t feel love for his husband. He has no idea what he is feeling but nothing inside his chest would warrant any sort of strong reaction in either direction so he just ignores the last angry text John sent. He feels sorry for Seb because he would be on the receiving end of John’s bad mood but someone has to drive him to the Hotten pool. His first competition is coming up and Aaron is nervous for him and wants him to get as much practice as Seb wants, and the child wanted to go swimming everyday. 

After a bit of circling around the building, Aaron noticed an old BMW parked somehow on the side, not quite visible if he wasn’t looking for it. He stepped out of his van and headed to the door of the warehouse, found it unlocked and ajar. He’s nervous but for some reason he’s not scared. He doesn’t think someone was planning on murdering him there. 

“You still haven’t changed a bit, eh? Time is just an idea not an actual commitment” a very familiar voice said this to him, a voice he hasn’t heard in more than 5 years. A voice he missed and a voice he never forgot, a voice that was recorded on his phone. A voice that makes him feel again. He didn’t reply. All he could do was focus to keep an angry face and not disclose that all he wanted was to hug him and kiss him and never let him go ever again.

“You’re planning to sit there like a frozen statue?” Robert asked him with his usual snide voice, walking forward towards him, unchanged a bit. Same hair, same leather jacket, same confident walk, same loopy smile, Robert. 

“Allow me to introduce myself, husband dearest, I’m Logan Rogers. Came a long way from Argentina to here. Do you know how long it takes to sail all the way to here? The boat had wi-fi though. I was a big fan of your wedding. Kept waiting for some instagram worthy honeymoon pictures but they never came. So I figured to come here in person, maybe you’d be willing to show me the albums of the happy family.” Snide. That sharp tongue didn’t grow dull over the years of him being gone.

“Nice to see you haven’t changed either. Giving attitude to people around you like you’re the master of the universe. The great Robert Sugden, always taking the role of the prodigal son. What do you want, Robert? You can’t even stick to dying.” Aaron’s angry and relieved to see him. There was no sign since he “died” and Aaron thought that he would come back much faster after he sorted out the issues with the people who wanted him dead. And those were put behind bars long time ago and Robert never showed up. He never came back. Aaron kept waiting and waiting like Penelope for Odysseus. 

“I told you, I came to see the honeymoon album. You take very interesting photos of the human anatomy. I appreciate high art ``. Robert took a few steps forward towards Aaron. Aaron took a few steps towards Robert as well. He can’t fight against the gravitational pull Robert exudes around him with everyone. He can’t help himself from not kissing him. It’s been so long.

They meet in the middle and as Robert opens his mouth, Aaron pushed him against a wall and they kissed hard. Intense and terrible. Like they haven’t kissed in more than 5 years intense. Nothing changed there either, they fit perfectly against each other. 

“Does your current hubby know that you like kissing strange men in strange buildings?”

“You were about to say something, and since you still haven’t changed, I assumed it was something stupid. Only one way to shut you up.”

“I missed you so much, Aaron. I love you so much”.

Every single sentence that is coming out from Robert’s mouth is angering him more and more. But he loves him so much as well. How did he ever live for 5 years without that mouth, without that body, without that walk? But he wants Robert to suffer now. He wants to punish him for all the years when he’s been essentially dead inside. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and looks at Robert.

“Strange, don’t seem to have any missed calls or texts from you…”

“Aaron you know I couldn’t contact you” 

This was it. Aaron can’t hold it in anymore and he feels the word vomit coming out of him as he looks at Robert

“Five fucking years Robert. Do you have any idea how hard it was?! Do you have any idea what my life is? What Seb’s life is? Don’t you dare stand there in front of me like nothing had ever happened and you just casually came back from grocery shopping. Stop that Robert. Stop it, stop yourself from acting like you belong here, like you have any sort of say in my and Seb’s life”.

Aaron couldn’t control himself, he wanted so much to be able to say nothing and act like his presence isn’t bothering him, but it is and he has so much to tell Robert. 

“Stay away from me, stay away from us, Robert. You were supposed to come back and you never did”

“I am here now”

“You’re a ghost, Robert, this is what you are. And I suggest you stay a ghost, because I don’t know how much love you will get from anyone in your life.”

“Aaron, I’m so sorry, I knew that I should have come back but I… I was too scared. I didn’t know the Whites were arrested and all I wanted was to protect you and Seb”

“Great protection that. You don’t get to act like anything towards Seb. Do you have any idea how hard it was to show him photos of his supposed dead father? How are you going to come back in his life, oh look at me I’m alive fine and dandy. No. And I’m done here. I have so much to tell you but I realized that there is no point in saying it. It won’t change the past, and sure as hell it won’t influence the future. Goodbye, Mr Logan Rogers”.

Aaron heard Robert calling out his name as he turned his back to him and walked towards the door, trying not to cry out of anger. He made it to the van and drove away with a screech. He looked in the rearview mirror with a little hope that Robert would follow him, and stop him and apologize and hold him and tell him that everything will be ok. But he didn’t. And Aaron just drove away.

It got dark well before Aaron pulled into his driveway. He's stopped in a lay by, had a good cry and all he wanted was to come home to Seb and hug him and kiss his head and watch cartoons together or tell him stories of scrap monsters. He just wanted to be around his son. 

John was sitting at the kitchen table when Aaron got home. He had his Macbook and his bottle of whiskey near him. Aaron knew that he was going to be annoyed if he's bothering him. Seb isn't too keen on spending too much time on his own with John and John wasn't that good with kids anyway and it worked well for Aaron. More of Seb for himself. 

“Did you two have dinner yet? Sorry I ran so late today and thank you for driving Seb around today.”

“Yeah. Your kid is with your mother at the pub. He was making a scene because he didn't want to eat what I gave him and I have no patience for tantrums. He's too old for tantrums, Aaron. You need to educate him.”

Ignoring the great parenting advice from John, he asked what exactly Seb refused to eat.

“I tried to feed him yogurt. You should feed him light dinners, Aaron. Honestly if you don't keep him under control he'll grow up just as pretentious as his dead father.”

“Seb hates yogurt. And please don't mention Robert in front of me.” Aaron hated John's attitude. He himself hated Robert in this second but it felt different when it comes from someone else. From his current husband… he ignored the implications of everything that happened today and went to the pub to retrieve his son.

Chas told him that Seb's been given lasagne made by Vic and he's playing with Isaac in the back room. No rowdiness, no tantrums. Aaron knew that Seb never threw tantrums. He was a kid with an old soul because he wanted to be good because, like he told Aaron when he was about 4 “I only have one daddy now and I have to be extra good for my one daddy.”

How his heart broke all over again when he saw his kid laughing with Isaac over a board game. The most beautiful sound in the world Aaron thought. Seb is what Aaron imagined that Robert was as a child. 

“Daddy!!!!! You're back!!! Come, I want to show you our farms with animals! Isaac just got 100 sheep! 100!!!”

Aaron smiled and kneeled in front of them and told them they have half an hour to finish their game and then they go home. He left them in the back room and went for a pint. Not a shred of sadness. Not a shred of bad feelings behind his kid's eyes.

“Can I have a pint please, Marlon?”

“Oh oh now you assume I am doing everything? Cooking and minding the bar at the same time?”

“Marlon please, I'd pour it myself but you're the one behind the bar. And it's not that kind of day where I am in the mood to joke with you”

“Are you ever in the smiling mood, Aaron? Speaking of smiling, that husband of yours isn't too keen on that either. Saw him storm in and gave Seb to Chas an..”

“Yeah I know. He has work to do. Important work. Not that you can understand this concept.” Aaron didn't want to defend John at all but he wasn't planning on sitting through a lecture about marriage from Marlon Dingle of all people. 

Just as he takes his last sip of the pint, Seb appears from the back room.

“I'm ready daddy, let's go home”. Aaron took his backpack and then held his hand all the way home to the Mill while listening to Seb going on about his swim practice and his teammates and everything. The kid was excited for the race he had in 10 days. Aaron realized in that moment that his own happiness is incomplete now. All he wanted was to pull his phone out and text Robert everything. He wanted Robert at the competition next to him. He would yell at the judges, the organizers and he would have demanded video revision if Seb had come in second place. Aaron felt like crying at the life they could have had. Instead he's raising a kid on his own and he hates his current husband. 

He barely sleeps that night. He's sitting in front of Netflix all night not really paying attention to what is happening. Taking short 10 minute naps between episodes of whatever crime procedural he was watching. He couldn't name the main character if his life had depended on it. All he thought about was Robert's “I'm sorry”. He hasn't sat and thought about what kind of life Robert was leading wherever he was. Was he dating? Having sex? Did he fall in love with someone else? What happened that he decided to come back home after all these years? Was he also staying awake at night wondering about life? Missing him as much as Aaron missed Robert? 

There was an ache in his chest that felt like a rock and he knew exactly who put it there. He knows Robert all too well. He's not going to stay away like Aaron demanded, he will see him again. And although he hates him, he only ever truly loved Robert and that will never change and he wants to see him and kiss him, and hold him.. and… the next thing is morning and Seb's voice woke him up. He made breakfast for the kid and drove him to school. Auntie Vic claimed Seb time today and John was in London for a couple of days at the paper to deal with editors and whatever. Aaron was told but he didn't really care that much.

He chose to stay at home. Sure enough he got a text from a withheld number to meet in a lay by near Emmerdale. It's what he waited for. He got into his small Golf and drove there. Didn't even bother to change from his trackies and t-shirt. 

Robert was already there when Aaron arrived. He got out of the car and walked towards Robert who said nothing and just leaned on his BMW following Aaron's confident walk towards him. Aaron had a hunger in him and he saw the same hunger in Robert's eyes and he honestly didn't care about the context. He walked towards Robert wanting one thing only. He knew Robert got the message as well because he was undoing a button off his blazer already.

Aaron grabbed him and kissed him and pressed himself onto Robert. He opened the car door and Robert smirked at him but Aaron just needed one thing. And he got it quickly in the back of a 1993 BMW series 3. He wondered if Robert had someone else in the back of this car before Aaron. 

Aaron took control over this. He wanted to touch his skin, to kiss his chest, to satisfy Robert only like he knows how. To bring him to the peak of pleasure and then keeping him there squirming and shaking, looking in Robert's eyes all this time. The ever changing blue-green eyes of Robert where all his sense of self has been lost into all these years before. Unrecoverable. His forever. No matter what.

Robert got out of the car to get his clothes buttoned again and Aaron followed him shortly. 

“Well that was.. just like we never stopped doing this. You still know me, you haven't forgotten” 

“Trust me I tried to forget. I tried so hard. This was a one time thing, don't expect it to happen again.” Aaron tried to pour venom into his words but he knew he couldn't pretend that well, since 3 minutes ago he was screaming Robert's name.

“I never wanted to forget. I had nothing. Memories of you are what kept me going.”

Aaron doesn't know what to say. He wants to never leave this lay by and at the same time he doesn't want to be in Robert's proximity, although 5 minutes ago Robert was in between his thighs. 

“I have to go, Seb needs fetching from school.” He lied as he turned his back to Robert and walked back to his car. This time Robert stopped him.

“Aaron please, wait one minute. Do you not want to know how to get in touch with me?”

“What good that for? I think I've said all I had to say and whatever happened in that car was a one time thing only”. Aaron hatefully spit barely looking at Robert, although 8 minutes ago he was licking Robert's neck and biting at his chest.

“Well… I.. thought maybe we could talk, maybe you could send me some photos of Seb”. Aaron hadn't stopped walking towards his car while Robert was trying to talk to him but he stopped in his steps when he heard Seb's name.

“You what?” Aaron turned around and got into Robert's face. “I hope you didn't just come and demand pictures of my son after all these years you couldn't be bothered to ask about his existence.” This is what got Aaron everytime Robert spoke to him. His own anger at Robert was something that could pass, but the anger he felt on behalf of Seb was something he could never let go.

“You know, he's my son too.” Aaron got what he wanted from Robert. He put him in the position to claim fatherhood over Seb so that he could finally unleash his thoughts over the years.

“Is he? Well, tell me Robert, what is his favourite food? What about his favourite colour? What age was he when he first started swimming?” Aaron stopped and threw Robert a daring look, pushing him to say something, to answer the unanswerable questions.

“I.. Aaron.. “ Robert stammered in front of Aaron.

“You’re nothing to him, Robert, you’re just a photo in a frame. A donor. Stay away from me and from him.” Aaron’s anger poured out into insults and he almost ran back to his car, leaving Robert in the middle of the road, staring at the ground with tears in his eyes. Good, Aaron thought. Finally, someone else’s tears are being spilled and not his.

All he wants is to go back and grab Seb and never let him go and keep him in his sight and play with him, and do the homework together. He stopped himself from cancelling Vic’s plans with her nephew because no one else should suffer for Robert’s sake. Only if he knew how to do it himself.

He got home sat on the couch with a beer and stared in silence thinking about everything at once. He is overwhelmed by emotions and by memories he is experiencing all at once and confused about the future and how he should behave and what he should think. 

He’s startled by a knock on the door, he must have fallen asleep and it’s dark now and he’s confused. He switches on the light and yells “yeah, give me a second I’m here” and he took a big sip of water and then went to the door.

Robert.

He was there in his entire tall arrogance standing in front of his door, in the open where anyone could see him, like a dead man walking.

“Miss me, husband?”


End file.
